Updatan gaems

So dear blog-readers. Here's the story. I went to a stake dance the
other day, and it was MUCH better than expected. I had been having
such great confidence in myself without getting a big head, and I feel
like it has been a noticeable difference. I have friends from
Hurricane point out directly that "you've become a lot more outgoing.
It's awesome." Anyway, at the dance I had NO inhibitions. I let it all
hang out, and I had a great time, just as I expected. Here's where
things get interesting. I don't know of any of you have heard "I’m
your daddy" by Weezer, but the beginning of the song is exactly what
happened. "I though tonight would start like every other night. I’d
party with my friends. But when I saw you cruising down the dance
floor, normal came to an end." I saw this girl, and some memory came
back from when I went to school in hurricane. This girl had always
stood out in my eye. I never learned her name, I just noticed this
girl all the time. She was there at the dance, dancing with her friend
(who happened to be my good friends Ex) and I was frozen for a moment.
I asked her to dance, I learned her name, it was fun, I asked her to
Dance later in the night as well. It was great. After the first dance
I learn that my good friend's friend liked her. So I figure I'll play
wingman and tell the girl's best friend about that, because that's the
smart thing to do. A girl is way more likely to think positively of a
guy if her best friend approves. So I go on with that plan, and
somehow she ends up asking me if /I/ liked her. I tell her "err...
Yeah... She's insanely attractive." I go home from the dance (In which
I rocked.) and my friend asks me if I'm going to pursue this girl. I
tell him I don't know. I go to Tuacahn, and it'd be a little difficult
for me. He agrees and then tells me that friend's friend has some
serious competition anyway. I laugh it off. The next day I log onto
facebook in the morning because I leave it open while I'm playing
vidya gaems, and I see that the girl had requested me as a friend on
facebook! This was my face when I saw that.

I had barely talked to the girl, and that really made me happy. I’m
pretty sure that she did so because Best Friend had told her what I
thought of her. My friend told me that his friend would have a hard
time if I decided to pursue this girl. I didn't believe him, really. I
had zero confidence when it came to girls because I had This Mindset. Things are definitely changing. I have acquired a
nice confidence that I feel I can keep from expanding my head, and I
have pretty much lost my inhibitions. I need to thank Mike, Caleb, and
Reece here, on that part. I really owe a lot more than I can say to
hose guys. But I'm still way new on interacting with girls, and that
mindset sticks. I'm having trouble deciding if I should talk to her
over facebook, or something. Facebook conversing is a big thing for
me, for some irrational reason. I'm afraid of it. I'm scared, and I
know I shouldn’t be. I'm way shy, but that's mostly changed, despite
old habits dying hard. I just overthink everything, that's my
problem. I just have a fear of... Rejection? I don't know. I don’t
know what to do, haha. Help? I just need to hear my two inspirational
words and I'll be good to go. MAN UP. Thanks for listening.

Lately.

• So, I've been feeling better after being around people. I can survive the rest of the summer now, haha.

• Billy Mays passed away a year ago on the 28th. I was the only one who mourned.

• I'm starting Voice lessons with Brodie Perry today. I feel like that makes me officially a singer. I'm really excited.
• I'm in a Musical for today, the 2nd, and the 3rd. Honk! Jr. I'm the Farmer's voice and a ton of tech work. My little sister is a much bigger part in it. One of the four ducklings. Come see us in Hurricane. It's a really... cute... play.
• Lake on monday. Fun stuff.
  

So last night I couldn't sleep. I've been really down lately because

of my lack of human contact. Everytime I want to do something with 
someone, or try to make plans, no reply. I've given up trying to get 
together with anyone because people rarely come.  I was awake for 
quite a while and I did some counting.

Time I've tried to get together with people: 47

Times I have gotten together with people: 1

Parties I've tried to throw: 3

People that have come to my parties: 9 Across all parties.

Times i've been asked to hang out: 0

Yeah, This sure feels good. I feel left out and alone. Like nobody 
cares or wants to really be around me. When I threw my barbecue I 
snapped and fell into a depression. I invited nearly everyone I knew, 
about two weeks in advance, and 5 people came. 7, but for only like 
half an hour. This party lasted from 3-10. I felt horrible. The 
depression started with me getting tired all the time, and it has me 
at this point that I just don't care about anything anymore. I am so 
mad and sad that I don't care.

I thought I had made some really good friends at Tuacahn. I was 
willing to do EVERYTHING possible to earn money to make the trip there 
and back daily. I would do everything I could with you guys in mind. I 
dropped everything if you guys needed something from me, and all I 
expected in return was to let me be in your presence. Thats all i 
need. I'm always willing to do all the things i can to drive up there 
if you need ANYTHING.

This feels reminiscient of my Sick days. During this time, my only 
friends where the select few that played with me on Xbox Live. I have 
never met these men, but we would talk for hours and hours. They were 
the only people other than my family that I knew. I was too sick to go 
to school. I was to sick to do nearly anything until I met Mike. But 
that's another story. They were what kept me afloat. I thought I would 
have real friends I could touch. Touch means so much to me.

I know this is just one long complaint, but I have to get it out of my 
system or I will explode. Or get sick again. Feels bad man.

Amyway, Billy Mays day tomorrow. I wanted to throw a party in his 
honor, but I have a feeling no one will come.

Oh, the temptation!

It has been created. You're right, Victoria, you are a trendsetter.