So last night I couldn't sleep. I've been really down lately because

of my lack of human contact. Everytime I want to do something with 
someone, or try to make plans, no reply. I've given up trying to get 
together with anyone because people rarely come.  I was awake for 
quite a while and I did some counting.

Time I've tried to get together with people: 47

Times I have gotten together with people: 1

Parties I've tried to throw: 3

People that have come to my parties: 9 Across all parties.

Times i've been asked to hang out: 0

Yeah, This sure feels good. I feel left out and alone. Like nobody 
cares or wants to really be around me. When I threw my barbecue I 
snapped and fell into a depression. I invited nearly everyone I knew, 
about two weeks in advance, and 5 people came. 7, but for only like 
half an hour. This party lasted from 3-10. I felt horrible. The 
depression started with me getting tired all the time, and it has me 
at this point that I just don't care about anything anymore. I am so 
mad and sad that I don't care.

I thought I had made some really good friends at Tuacahn. I was 
willing to do EVERYTHING possible to earn money to make the trip there 
and back daily. I would do everything I could with you guys in mind. I 
dropped everything if you guys needed something from me, and all I 
expected in return was to let me be in your presence. Thats all i 
need. I'm always willing to do all the things i can to drive up there 
if you need ANYTHING.

This feels reminiscient of my Sick days. During this time, my only 
friends where the select few that played with me on Xbox Live. I have 
never met these men, but we would talk for hours and hours. They were 
the only people other than my family that I knew. I was too sick to go 
to school. I was to sick to do nearly anything until I met Mike. But 
that's another story. They were what kept me afloat. I thought I would 
have real friends I could touch. Touch means so much to me.

I know this is just one long complaint, but I have to get it out of my 
system or I will explode. Or get sick again. Feels bad man.

Amyway, Billy Mays day tomorrow. I wanted to throw a party in his 
honor, but I have a feeling no one will come.